The holiday season is a lot of fun for many people. The food, fun, and parties can make things very exciting. Under the best of circumstances, though, it can be a little overwhelming. This is an especially difficult time for those who are dealing with grief or mental illness. Frankly, even those without a diagnosed mental illness can find that they are struggling at times during the holidays because of the amount of expectations placed on them by others or even by themselves. Those in relationships may feel that there are a lot of commitments and obligations that prevent them from being present with those they love. People who have gone through breakups, divorces, or parted ways from friends may find that they feel even more lonely during the holidays. Maybe this is because of nostalgic memories or simply fearing being alone at this time. Whatever the source, though, it is important to recognize that whether you feel the holidays are magical, or if you actually can’t stand them, this is a time of year that can be stressful and chaotic. It is important to stop and take time to care for yourself when December is fully underway.
Common reasons** given for extra stress during the holidays include:
Feeling like there isn’t enough time
Money and expenses
The stress of giving gift
Time with family
The National Alliance for Mental Illness (NAMI) gives a series of reminders* over the holidays. The first of which is to know your limits. Remember that it is ok to say, “No” if you are exhausted, or even if you’re simply asked to do something that you don’t want to do. Setting limits about your time is important. Remember, limit setting isn’t about barking orders or giving ultimatums. Limits are how I tell you what I’m willing to do and what I’m not. Make sure to spend a good chunk of this time with people who give as much to you as you give to them. It is also recommended to set reasonable expectations. Clark Griswold tried to set ridiculously high expectations for his fun old-fashioned family Christmas, and that didn’t turn out well.
If there are events or people that trigger hurt or uncomfortable feelings, consider* how important it is to be around them. If a certain holiday movie depresses you there’s no real need to watch it, and if you’re already having a difficult time maybe it’s ok to avoid that relative that has a way of making you feel awful. Also, holiday decorations are completely optional. You only need to go through the trouble of decorating if it brings you joy.
The holidays are all about giving, but presents aren’t the only things to give. Often, we find peace in service* to others. Volunteering and other gifts of time and effort are very valuable, and usually we help ourselves when we help other people. Make sure to give to yourself as well, though. Maybe it means going ahead and stopping for the fancy coffee or deciding to gift yourself something fun.
In an article** I found from Psychology Today, a series of tips were recommended:
Be mindful. I encourage clients all the time to practice mindfulness, and I frequently hear, “yeah, I should do that.” However, it doesn’t have to be a rigid practice. Just stop and breathe every now and then to ground yourself in the present.
Get plenty of sleep. Sleep is very important, and most people don’t realize just how important it is. Yes, you can function without enough sleep, but whether you realize it or not, no one actually operates at their best without sleep.
Delegate tasks to others when necessary.
Take time for yourself. Do something that you enjoy instead of only concentrating on doing for others.
Don’t overextend. Don’t push yourself into helping others so much that you become completely exhausted.
The holidays can be great, but they can also be hard. Just remember that it is alright to feel whatever you feel about this time of year. It is also important to remember that you can’t pour from an empty vessel, so make sure to take time to prioritize yourself. A little self care can make your heart grow three sizes.
*https://www.nami.org/Blogs/NAMI-Blog/December-2021/How-to-Prioritize-Self-Care-During-the-Holidays