December seems to be a stressful month. For some it might be because of a normal amount of stress associated with the holidays. Other people feel that these very holidays are difficult due to grief or family circumstances that make their lives more complicated. Sometimes the end of the semester means an uptick in stress for both students and their parents. Since December is the end of the calendar year it can also cause us to reflect on just how stressful the previous year has been or to focus hard on how we want the next year to be. Regardless of the reason, for some, this month is a real doozy. Weirdly, even though many people feel an increase in stress at the end of the year, they may still love this season as well. Today’s blog is all about finding joy even in times of stress.
First of all, let’s normalize the feelings that come with stress. Being sad, anxious, angry, or overwhelmed aren’t bad things. In fact, oftentimes, these feelings* are completely normal reactions to whatever is going on around us. We feel what we feel regardless of what we think we should feel. If you’re sad, it can be helpful to sit with the feeling and let yourself explore instead of trying to fight the feeling (REO Speedwagon even tried to warn us that we can’t do this). After years of working in mental health I’m convinced that simply letting ourselves experience our emotions allows us to feel them and move on much faster than trying to avoid feeling them. It also doesn’t make you a grinch or a humbug if you find that you’re feeling down. We are all complicated creatures, and it is very possible to be full of holiday spirit and occasionally sad or irritated.
If you are wanting to give yourself a little boost, though, there are some key neurotransmitters* (dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, and endorphins) that can be boosted through certain activities: Dopamine is boosted through reward and recognition, serotonin and endorphins are activated through exercise, and oxytocin (the cuddle hormone) is boosted through connection with those that we love.
5 tips** for increasing our overall happiness include:
Engaging in or creating habits that (yes, I’m aware that this is very on-the-nose) make you happy. This could be hobbies, music, being in nature, or whatever it is that lights you up. The point is to make a habit out of doing what you love.
Savor the good and let yourself experience it more mindfully. Often we are in a rush, so it helps to slow down and let yourself be fully present when things are going right.
Practicing a loving-kindness meditation is a way of granting yourself permission to receive and feel happiness. The article I’ve referenced suggests the following phrase: “May I be filled with loving kindness. May I be safe. May I be well. May I be peaceful and at ease. May I be happy.” We can also wish this on others in our lives as a way of verbalizing our intention to spread good. Bonus points if you’re able to do the difficult process of wishing loving kindness toward someone you care about, someone you feel neutral toward, and someone that bothers or irritates you.
Connecting with others is a great way of boosting your mood. Dr. Sue Johnson, an attachment researcher, says that our entire nervous system is built on the ability to be soothed by our loved ones. Apparently, even little connections, like a smile with a stranger, can have a positive impact on our mood as well.
Gratitude practice is something I recommend to many of my clients. Practicing gratitude means noticing the good that exists within your life or even just within your day. We are wired to notice the negative, but we are also capable of adjusting this wiring within our brains to get better at certain things, like noticing the good things that happen as well.
Happiness can be a tough goal to shoot for because our emotions do vary throughout the day. Realistically, we can’t hope to be happy all the time. However, an overall positive mood or a sense of peace is certainly attainable by taking some of the steps listed. You’re not doing anything wrong if grief or hurt interferes with this, though. Again, I want to reiterate that sadness and other feelings that we often call uncomfortable are also completely normal responses to some situations. If joy is out of reach due to something that hurts, you don’t need to put on a show for anyone. Surround yourself with loved ones and allow that connection to help hold you up if that’s what you need. If things feel especially hard, sometimes it helps to seek out counseling in order to get through. I promise, there’s nothing wrong with needing a little help.