Coping strategies are talked about a lot in the mental health world. I think most people tend to have a pretty good idea about how this term applies to a broad range of things that people can do to help themselves in times of stress. The problem is that when we are under high levels of stress, it can be hard to think of what to do to help ourselves. When we are overwhelmed, we are usually focused on the problem, and sometimes this involves a level of hopelessness that can make it hard to think of how we can find relief.
When we cope with a situation, we aren’t necessarily fixing the situation. This can cause some initial frustration in someone who is overwhelmed and wanting some relief from their stressors; however, the purpose of having good coping strategies in place is to help regulate our bodies and emotions. Once we are regulated, we are in a better position to deal with the stressors themselves, but our capability to handle these stressors is greatly diminished when we are in a highly emotional state. The reason for this lies in how our brains function. In times of high stress or if we are triggered by a reminder of past trauma, the emotional center of our brain takes control. This is a survival response that goes all the way back to when early humans were living in caves. To really simplify things, this emotional center (the limbic portion of the brain) reacts to danger, and its purpose is to keep us alive for the next 12 seconds. Does this sound like an over reaction? In many cases, it probably is, but you can’t reason with this part of your brain. If our central nervous system senses danger, the limbic part of the brain takes over immediately because the higher thinking portions of the brain react slowly. I read a quote by Dr. Sue Johnson that says, “Your prefrontal cortex is too slow to save your life.” What you can do is find a way to regulate yourself so that you can re-engage your upper thinking/processing parts of your brain, and this happens by using coping strategies.
The CDC* lists the following recommendations as coping strategies:
Take a break from the news and social media.
Take care of your body through diet, exercise, sleep, and mindfulness (If you’ve read any of my previous blogs, these should sound annoyingly familiar), and also avoid alcohol, tobacco, and other harmful substances.
Unwind through the use of your enjoyable activities/hobbies.
Talk to your loved ones and the people in your life that you trust.
Connect with your communities and organizations.
Recognize when it is time to seek professional help.
I frequently recommend to my clients that they put together a stress relief toolbox. This isn’t a figurative box. I actually mean finding and filling a literal box. Re-engaging with the present is a helpful tool for someone who is overwhelmed because that overwhelm is typically about something in the future. An easy way to pull into the present is to engage the five senses. Some ideas to put in this box:
What is a calming smell for you? Common ones that I hear are lavender, vanilla, mint, or orange. Maybe this smell is found in a candle or a lotion, if so, put that in your box first.
Consider textures, and if there is a calming touch sensation for you. I’ve heard people tell me about all kinds of calming textures/touches, whether soft or rough, a type of lotion, weighted blanket, a brush, hot or cool temperatures, and these touches may take place with the hands, arms, head, legs, etc. Though not entirely the same thing, but similar, there might also be types of fidgets or manipulatives that people find calming, and people with sensory dysregulation may also find comfort in repetitive movements like rocking, swinging, or spinning.
Sounds or music can provide comfort, so this might mean putting together a playlist or (and I’m showing my age here) making a mixed-tape or cd. This could be music, but it could also just be calming nature sounds.
For sight, think about calming colors or visually pleasing items. Maybe you like the very detailed adult coloring books and markers, a kaleidoscope, or maybe you have some pictures that make you feel good.
When it comes to taste, think of comforting snacks that can keep for a while, like a granola bar, a favorite candy, etc. Powerful tastes, like lemon or mint can also be helpful because the intense flavors have a way of grounding us in the present. By the way, a healthy diet doesn’t mean that you can never eat anything enjoyable. Indulging a little from time to time isn’t a horrible thing.
Other things to include in this toolbox: a letter written to your future stressed-out-self (maybe reminding you that you have been through hard things before), a note card with calming activities full of ideas that work to help regulate you (yoga, mindfulness, going for a walk, working out, reading, hobbies, deep breathing exercises, or anything else that you know works for you).
If you have trouble finding ideas for what helps you, enlist the help of a friend or loved one. They may have noticed something that you have forgotten about. Coping strategies open our window of tolerance. They don’t fix our problems, but they help us to be better able to handle the stressors that are overwhelming us.
*https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/about/copingwith-stresstips.html