I think one of the hardest things that we have to deal with is watching a loved one suffer. It’s awful. When we care about someone and we have to watch them deal with something difficult, most of us tend to wish that we could take on their pain. We’d rather deal with it ourselves than watch them continue to hurt, knowing that there’s nothing that we can do to stop it. This can be because a loved one is dealing with illness, pain, grief, or mental health problems. Because this is a mental health blog, the main focus today will be mental health, but make no mistake; illness, pain, and grief all impact our overall mental health.
Some warning signs* that a loved one might be struggling with their mental health include:
Withdrawal or isolation
Trouble functioning at work or school
Memory or thinking concerns that differ from their normal experience
A sense of disconnection from reality
Changes in eating, sleeping, or hygiene
Major shifts in mood
Use of alcohol or drugs
Suicidal thoughts
It isn’t the responsibility of a loved one to diagnose mental health issues at all, but if you start to notice any of these changes in someone that you care about it can be helpful to talk to them about what you see. Maybe they just need to share some things that they are struggling with, but maybe they could benefit from speaking to a mental health professional.
There is a wide range of mental health issues that a person can deal with. Most people have heard of conditions like Schizophrenia or bipolar disorder, for example, which can have a devastating impact on one’s life. Most have also heard of more common conditions like depression, anxiety disorders, ADHD, or Autism. This list is not exhaustive. Our Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (the DSM 5-TR) is a very big book that contains the descriptions and diagnostic criteria for all of the currently accepted mental health disorders. It has changed many times over the years (hence the 5-TR) as research has helped us to gain new information about mental illness. Although most people have heard about many mental health conditions, there is a ton of misinformation, exaggerations, and outright false statements regarding these conditions in movies, social media, and the news. I started learning about mental health back in 1999, and I’m still learning new things all the time, so I doubt that people who aren’t in mental health-related fields have all the information either. I bring this up because the first thing to do if you find out that a family member or friend is dealing with a mental health issue is to learn more about it from reputable sources. Fortunately, there are plenty of good sources*** some of which I will list at the end of this blog.
After you learn more about what your loved one is dealing with, the next thing you can do is be helpful and understanding. You can remind yourself that, just like a person with glasses isn’t trying to have poor vision, your loved one isn’t trying to struggle. I like to think of mental health struggles as blocked paths. Sometimes this means that they have to struggle to make it through a barrier, sometimes they need to learn a different path to the same destination, and sometimes it means that they simply are unable to make it to where they want to go. This will cause them to feel understandably frustrated, so don’t become upset or take their feelings personal. The frustration that they feel is often unrelated to those that they care about, even when they lash out at those around them.
Brene Brown has an excellent video** (link is below) about empathy that I recommend frequently. In it she talks about how when someone is sharing their pain they aren’t looking for someone to try to create a silver lining in the situation or make them feel judged. Often they’re just looking for someone who will stand with them in their pain and show that they are cared for and not alone. There are many different ways in which someone may struggle with their mental health, and some take a larger toll than others on the individual and their relationships. Our connections are our greatest source of healing, and what your loved one needs more than anything is to feel connected to you.
*https://www.apa.org/topics/mental-health/support-serious-mental-illness
**https://youtu.be/1Evwgu369Jw?si=rMz1l62G-aMMJn6B
***Good sources of information regarding mental health conditions:
National Institute for Mental Health (NIMH)
World Health Organization (WHO)
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) and Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMSA) have traditionally been reliable sources of information through the US government, though there is currently skepticism amongst some professionals about whether decisions and information are data-driven.
Cleveland Clinic
Mayo Clinic
National Alliance on Mental Health (NAMI)
Psychology Today
Psych Central
ADDitude magazine
Respected universities
American Psychiatric Association