When it's time to stop therapy

I’ve written a lot of blogs that are wrapped up with some version of, “if you are struggling with ____, it could be helpful to start seeing a counselor.” I wanted to go in the opposite direction today, though, and discuss when the work of therapy is done. The amount of time that someone is in counseling varies greatly. Some people have temporary life circumstances that they find a way to manage (or make sense of) in an amount of time that can be measured in weeks or just a couple of months. Others have deep-seated problems in their ability to attach to others or painful past traumas that require years to work through. Sometimes people come in about situational issues and realize that there are some deeper problems weighing on them. 

I’ve worked with people who have similar histories or concerns, but I’ve never worked with two people who were dealing with these things in the same way. This means that, unfortunately, I can never tell someone exactly how long they will need to come to therapy. There are too many factors to consider, some of which include the work that a client is doing in the real world between counseling sessions. However, I can safely say that I don’t believe therapy is generally something that will be necessary for the rest of a person’s life. You may notice that I gave counselors some wiggle room by saying “generally,” but my own professional philosophy is that I am meant to be a part of someone’s journey for a season of their life. That season may be long or short, but I do believe that the season is meant to come to an end at some point. 

Therapy can end for a variety of positive or negative reasons. If someone feels like their counselor isn’t a good fit or if they believe that they just aren’t making the progress that they should be making, I would strongly encourage an open and honest discussion with their counselor. Those of us in the counseling professions try our best to keep our own egos out of treatment and our job is to help our clients improve the areas of their lives that they want to improve. Sometimes that can even mean a referral to another counselor. However, I have already written before about finding a counselor that is a good fit, so today I want to focus this blog on when therapy has been successful, and it is time to bring it to an end. 

A question that should be asked either in the first session or on intake forms is what a client hopes to work on or what they want to get out of counseling. This gives me a direction to go. It also helps me direct the work of therapy onto what the client wants to change in their own lives instead of relying on my opinion about what is important. There may be a variety of techniques and interventions used, but the focus should be on helping people figure out the goals they want to set and then accomplishing those goals. Sometimes goals change in the course of therapy, and I’ve witnessed this many times. New understandings can lead to new concerns, just like acquiring new knowledge tends to make us realize just how much we actually don’t know. Still, even if goals change, the purpose is still to help clients achieve their goals. Why is this important? Because the goal of therapy isn’t to help someone become perfect or fix every problem in their lives. Counseling is supposed to help people function better, but perfection is an impossible standard for anyone. In fact, perfectionism is often a shame-based subject to be addressed in counseling. 

When the client and counselor start to see that goals are being met, this is a cause for celebration. When a client sees that the things they’ve been working on in therapy are consistently better (even in the face of challenges), that means that it is time to start discussing a move toward discontinuing services. Typically, we at Restorative Solutions recommend starting to space out appointments at this time. When a client no longer needs weekly sessions, it can be helpful to go to every other week. This allows people an opportunity to use what they’ve learned without weekly appointments, and it still keeps the safety net of counseling services in place. When this continues to go well, it may be time to move to once-a-month sessions. Some people prefer to keep monthly check-ins in place for a long time, while others feel confident in stopping after just a few of these. It varies from person to person. The end of therapy is always ultimately a client’s decision, but I definitely think it is helpful to have this be a collaborative decision between a client and their counselor. It can be a bittersweet part of the journey toward self-improvement, but it is an important and necessary part of the process.