I wanted to write about a very serious topic today, which is teen dating violence. It used to be that violence between intimate partners* was considered to be a private matter…something to be left alone and not interfered with. This changed to some extent when the Violence Against Women Act was passed, but domestic violence continues to be the most common cause of injuries experienced by women, and it sometimes leads to murder, which is one of the leading causes of death for women***. Clearly, there is still a lot of work to do here, but one of things that gets even less attention in society (and even in the research) is dating violence between teens.

The National Institute of Health defines dating violence as, “Any intentional, psychological/emotional, physical or sexual abuse that occurs between people involved in a romantic relationship.” The research** estimates of the frequency that this occurs often differs from study to study, but up to 19% of teens experience sexual or physical dating violence, up to half have dealt with stalking or harassment, 65% report experiencing psychological abuse, and adolescents have the highest risk of sexual assault–½ of these assaults happening within dating relationships. Dating violence looks like stalking or harassment, psychological aggression, physical or sexual harm, and abuse can also take place online. To be clear, both males and females deal with similar levels of overall dating violence. Both males and females can and do perpetrate this violence as well; in fact, there are age ranges in which girls perpetrate more physical or emotional violence than boys. However, girls experience more physical injuries and sexual assaults than boys. Kids who have experienced trauma, poverty, and adverse childhood experiences (divorce, physical, emotional, or sexual abuse, neglect, family history of drug use or incarceration, or witnessing domestic violence) are at greater risk of being perpetrators or victims of dating violence. Family domestic violence, however, may be the biggest predictor of dating violence. It is estimated that up to 70% of kids from families with domestic violence will either be a victim of or perpetrate dating violence. Boys from homes with domestic violence are 4 times more likely to assault a date.

Perpetration of dating violence is also linked** to having positive views of violence, beliefs in gendered power imbalances (ex. That males are meant to dominate a relationship), depression, substance use, and juvenile legal problems. Research further suggests that boys who believe in traditional gender stereotypes are more likely to sexually harass someone. This all means that families can help reduce the odds of dating violence for their children by promoting positive treatment of people of all genders and stepping in to correct sexist language and beliefs. Kids have a lot of access to a ton of materials that may not be appropriate for their age as well as a great deal of misinformation. They may not be learning sexist beliefs in their home, but when parents don’t say anything in the face of these comments, they can inadvertently be seen as giving their approval.

One of the other very important things that the research* also suggests that teens who perpetrate dating violence aren’t monsters. This violence can be antisocial behavior, but it is much more likely to be a result of a lack of skills. Teens may not have the experience to be able to handle feelings of jealousy and rejection, or relationship conflict. Social media complicates things further for teens because they see their partner living out another part of their lives in very public settings, like their pages or online stories. Helping our kids be better prepared to handle intense and uncomfortable feelings, as well as making sure that they have the support necessary to be able to get help when they are struggling, can ensure that they don’t lash out at a romantic partner when they are feeling overwhelmed. It can also help kids to know that they do not need to tolerate someone harassing, belittling, or harming them in any way. Parental involvement is key as well. I definitely don’t want to imply that parents are to blame if their child is a perpetrator or victim of dating violence. What I am saying is that it is harder for a teen to harm someone or be harmed by another when parents are close by. It is also easier for teens to talk about this topic if parents are already very involved and want to know about their lives. We also have an impact on how kids form relationships, though, so parents can help by modeling healthy relationships of their own.

what-has-longitudinal-research-teen-dating-violence-taught-us

**https://www.apa.org/monitor/2023/10/disrupting-teen-dating-violence

***https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/ipv/TDV-factsheet_2022.pdf

****https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6646825/