Today I wanted to talk about something that we all know is necessary, but most of us forget to prioritize, and that something is self care. We can get by for a while without taking good care of ourselves, but inevitably, it catches up with us. When we demand a lot of ourselves without also prioritizing our own wellbeing we can start to feel run down, anxious, depressed, angry, and resentful. This all tends to lead to burnout. I think the term burnout tends to be most-associated with work, which makes sense because we’ve all had times where we’ve felt burnt out at work. However, we can also be burnt out at home or with family. No matter the environment that we experience burnout, once we’re at this point we feel we have nothing left to give.
There are a lot of metaphors that those of us in the mental health field use about self care. The first one that I’m going to mention is the window of tolerance. Imagine, for a moment, a literal window. We don’t get to decide how much wind is trying to come in through that window, just like how we don’t always have control over how much stress is coming at us at any given point. When we aren’t taking good care of ourselves, the opening of our window of tolerance gets smaller and smaller. This, however, doesn’t change the amount of stress that we’re experiencing; it just further decreases our ability to deal with the large amount of stress coming through a smaller opening. This leads to overwhelm and ensures that we are too dysregulated to be able to handle the stress in our lives. When we practice good self care, we expand the opening of our window of tolerance, making the stress manageable…notice that I didn’t say easy. Manageable is tolerable even when it is uncomfortable. It also gives us the ability to step back and notice if there are stressors that we can control. For instance, maybe you never say no to requests that are made of you. Starting to set some limits and saying no to the things that will make your life more difficult can decrease the amount of stress that is coming through your window.
Metaphor two is that you can’t pour from an empty vessel. Those that give of themselves to others can find this to be particularly true. It is really a shame when those who are passionate about service to others find themselves burnt out because they start to lose the joy that they feel from helping others. Sometimes burnout can come from dealing with difficult people in authority or needlessly complicated bureaucratic rules, but it can also come from those givers not giving care to themselves. Prioritizing self care means refilling your own vessel so that you can still find joy when you pour into others.
The last metaphor comes from being on an airplane. If you are one of the people who actually pays attention when the flight attendants go through their safety procedures, you know that they tell you that if the cabin loses pressure, oxygen masks will come down from the ceiling. They tell the passengers to make sure to put on their own mask before helping someone else with theirs, and they do this with good reason. As a parent, I want to place the safety of my children above my own, and it would be tempting (in this scenario) to place my child’s mask on their face before I do this for myself. However, what if I was unable to ensure their safety before losing consciousness? We would both be out cold and it is possible that no one would have the presence of mind to help either of us. I would be much better off making sure that I am in a position to actually help my child. Self care isn’t about putting ourselves first. It is about making sure that we are equipped to help those that are depending on us.
As a rule, self care is anything that you do specifically and intentionally because it is good for you. Some good tips from a Psychology Today article* are as follow:
Take care to get good sleep. Adults need 7-8 consistent hours of uninterrupted sleep every night.
Keep your gut health in mind. There is a lot of good information out there right now about eating foods that maintain a good balance of the micro-organisms necessary for good digestion and processing of foods.
Exercise daily, keeping in mind what I’ve said before about exercise: it is really about getting a healthy amount of movement.
Eat healthy foods that fuel your body properly, and consider cooking at home to reduce processed ingredients.
Say no when you are asked to do something that you don’t want to do or don’t really have time to do.
Get away for a self-care trip.
Get outdoors and find refreshment in nature.
Cuddle with your furry friends, as pets can help improve our moods.
Get yourself better organized to aid in your ability to deal with stressors that aren’t going away.
Read books on self care and self improvement.
Schedule your self care times and guard it as if it was sacred.