Marianne is next up with her list of favorite books. Her recommendations all carry a theme of improving family relationships through deeper understanding.
The Connected Child, by Karyn Purvis. This book is about kids from hard places, and it is especially relevant for families in which a child is adopted or brought in through foster care. However, it is a great resource for any parents that are seeing concerning behaviors in their kids. It is very helpful for understanding what kinds of situations may trigger an emotional reaction from a child. This book is all about building stronger connections between a parent and child. It also reshapes the way that we look at discipline. Effective discipline, especially with kids who have had struggles, is not about punishing. Discipline is about creating learning opportunities to reinforce positive behaviors and reduce negative behaviors.
The Five Love Languages, by Gary Chapman. This book is great for couples, but the information can be expanded to any type of relationship. There are also love language books for parents and children or written for teens. The idea behind this book is that we all have different ways of expressing and feeling loved. The five love languages listed are: Words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. Since love languages often don’t align between partners, the way that someone expresses their love might not always be received as loving. If we can understand our own love languages, and those of others that we care about, we can know how to ask for the love that we want to receive, and show our love in a way that others can feel in a meaningful way.
Staying Connected to Your Teenager, by Michael Riera. Marianne likes this book because it focuses heavily on the needs of teens and how to effectively approach discipline. It also does a good job of talking about how it may be necessary to parent differently when a teen has ADHD or another diagnosis that affects thinking and behavior. She particularly enjoys how this book emphasizes connecting with kids, and the importance of maintaining that connection in order to discipline children according to their unique needs.
When an Adult You Love has ADHD, by Dr. Russell Barkley. This book focuses on adult relationships in which one has ADHD, but has good information that can be used when parenting children with ADHD as well. Marianne likes that this book does a particularly good job at explaining ADHD as more than just impulsivity or being distracted. It also has an impact on interpersonal relationships. The book tells those without ADHD what they can expect out of a partner with ADHD, but also, importantly, what they shouldn’t expect of someone with ADHD. Marianne feels that the main takeaway from this book is that we should take our own expectations into account because in order for a relationship with someone with ADHD to work, they both have to work with the disorder, not fight it.
No Drama Discipline, by Dr. Dan Siegel. Marianne says that this book has great ideas for understanding and managing a child’s behavior. She loves how this book gives multiple examples of how to manage different problem situations. It also gives some great brain-based information about the concept of “flipping your lid,” or reacting out of the emotional center of the brain, as opposed to thinking through responses in a calm, rational manner.
Lifetimes: The Beautiful Way to Explain Death to Children, by Bryan Mellonie and Robert Ingpen. This is a favorite of Marianne’s for helping explain death to kids in a meaningful way that is also easily understandable. The core message is that everything has a time to live, and also a time to die. This can be read by parents to younger grieving children.
I Love You Rituals, by Dr. Becky Bailey. This is a nice way to help develop a connection with your child. It contains fun and simple activities. This is a great book for any parent with a young child who would like to strengthen their connection.
The Grieving Child: A Parent’s Guide, by Helen FItzgerald. This contains a lot of great useful information for parents to use with their child when the child is grieving. Unlike the Lifetimes book, this one is more of a reference and learning book for parents, not necessarily one to read to them. It gives great information for parents to help their children process the loss that they are experiencing.