Imagine this: You’re driving down the road, someone cuts you off unexpectedly, causing you to slam on the brakes in order to avoid slamming into them. You think to yourself, “I could just kill that guy!” Most people don’t have to work very hard to imagine this scenario because if they drive, they’ve probably experienced this. Now, I understand that many people worry about what counselors think about them. I’ve heard the comments, “He’s probably analyzing us right now.” Here’s the deal, though, we’ve all been there. The scenario above is completely normal and not particularly alarming. It isn’t alarming because it is just a thought, and unless someone happens to be the leader of the X-Men, their thoughts can’t actually hurt anyone.
I do want to acknowledge that road rage is real, and there are some dangerous people out there. There are individuals who will follow a thought like that with violence, but my point remains the same; the thought itself is harmless. The majority of people who have the thought, “I could just kill that guy” will stew on it a little, probably complain to someone about that person, and move on because deep down, they know that this kind of thing happens. Some people are bothered by these kinds of thoughts, though, and these are the reactions I’d like to address today.
We are in control of our thoughts when we are trying to figure things out, in deep concentration, or engaged in conversation, but this doesn't mean that we always control our thoughts. As a matter of fact, I can control the thought that comes after you read the next sentence. 🎵The wheels on the bus go_________🎵. If that song is stuck in your head later today, I apologize. Most likely, you couldn’t help filling in the blank at the end of that song. Our thoughts come and go, and sometimes we think strange things.
Sometimes we have thoughts that are more than just strange. We might have thoughts about hurting someone we care about. New parents can sometimes have thoughts of harming their baby, and these thoughts can horrify them. I’ve linked an article* from Harvard Health Publishing written by Kelly Bilodeau. She talks about how people experiencing intrusive thoughts might worry that they are really secret desires instead of passing thoughts, and that they might feel shame or embarrassment about them.
Bilodeau categorizes intrusive thoughts as:
Unusual
Bothersome
Hard to control
She goes on to say that when we are experiencing these thoughts, we should:
Identify it as intrusive–it is a thought, not what I believe or desire.
Don’t fight with it–accept its presence and don’t try to push it away. The act of trying to push a thought away shines a spotlight on it and pulls it closer…sorry, but this is just how our brains operate.
Don’t judge yourself for the thought–it doesn’t necessarily mean there is something wrong with you.
An exercise that I recommend for dealing with intrusive thoughts is to imagine the thought outside yourself. Print the thought on a leaf flowing down a stream, imagine it written on a banner pulled behind a propeller plane passing through the sky, imagine it written on the side of a parade float, etc. The point is that our thoughts come into our minds and then pass us by. Imagine your intrusive thought in a concrete way as passing into your vision and then passing by. When it comes up again, allow it to pass on by again.
Sometimes intrusive thoughts are compounded by a larger mental health condition like Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Depression, or Generalized Anxiety Disorder, just to name a few. The exercises above can still be helpful, but when intrusive thoughts are impacting your daily life, it may be time to get professional help. Please remember that your thoughts don’t define you. They don’t make you a good or bad person. A counselor will not judge you for your thoughts, and will likely be able to offer techniques, strategies, and a viewpoint that makes these thoughts (and the feelings associated with them) more manageable.
*https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/managing-intrusive-thoughts