Being an adult--part 1

I saw an article in Psychology Today magazine that piqued my interest because it was all about the concept of adulthood. It made me think of the many young adults I’ve spoken to who feel as though they are behind where they should be or that they aren’t actual adults. I’m sure that this has been a constant theme to at least some extent for all generations, but I do especially recall the criticisms of the Millennials while they were coming of age. Millennials, as a group, lived in their parents’ home much longer than previous generations. Avocado toast and Starbucks were said to be the reasons that many of them were unable to “grow up” and move out on their own when they were in their 20s. I don’t think things really were quite that simple, though, and I also don’t think things have gotten any simpler for the young adults of today. 

The article* from Psychology Today mentions right away that housing has become harder to find as well as much higher priced. In 1981* the average first time home buyer was 29. In 2022, the age was 36. It could be that these folk blew all their money on iced coffee, but I think it’s far more likely that the reason has to do with how steeply housing costs have outpaced inflation. Inflation*** has gone up 644% since 1970, which is huge. $20,000 worth of goods in 1970 would now cost you $148,800 today. Feel free to take a moment if that makes you sick to your stomach. However, housing inflation has gone up 1,608% since 1970, so a $20,000 home in 1970 would cost $341,600 today. Isn’t that completely absurd?! Then we have to take into account the starting-off point for young adults who went to college. Back in 1981 the average total college costs** were just above $10,000 annually. That actually stayed somewhat stable for the next 20 years, but it was around $29,000 by 2020. For those who attend private universities, the tuition is more than double that of public universities. Graduating with huge amounts of student loan debt and seeing a housing market full of out-of-reach homes is enough to drive many young adults back to their parents’ home even if they’re able to start at better-paying jobs (which isn’t guaranteed). This all means that many young adults now remain at home longer than their parents did. As a result, they can find themselves at odds with parents who are frustrated* at providing ongoing financial support to their adult children, as well as worried that they didn’t properly prepare their children for the responsibilities of adulthood. The article refers to the traditional markers of adulthood as starting a career, beginning a long-term relationship, buying a home, and having kids. As I think of the Millennials, there are many who never achieved (or even cared to achieve) these markers. Young adults in Gen Z are even less likely to have achieved these markers, and there’s no telling what they will ultimately prioritize. 

Let’s also look at some differences throughout modern history. In 1900* the average life lasted 32 years…32! In 2021 it was 76 years. With advances in medical technology, there’s no telling what the average lifespan will be for the future, but I think it’s safe to say that back when the average death happened at 32 years you really had to get your life priorities figured out in a hurry. Knowing that one probably has several decades on this earth to live out their life means that much of growing up can be spaced out a little further. Not only that, when the process of settling into adulthood has a chance to be slower, it also means that a person has the opportunity to make major life decisions after their brain has fully matured (age 25). People are waiting longer to get married and longer to have kids, plus, many more younger adults now are deciding that they don’t want kids at all. Allowing themselves to ease into adulthood slower gives people even more freedom to decide what markers of adulthood actually matter to them instead of basing these decisions on societal expectations. 

There is a lot of evidence* to suggest that adverse experiences cause people to have to grow up faster. People raised in difficult and unpredictable environments often reach physical maturation faster than their peers, as do children of immigrants, who have to often serve as a liaison between their parents and their surroundings. Things are in no way perfect, and while this isn’t true for everyone, there are generally more opportunities for support as people are growing up now. This means that there may be less need to rush into adulthood. 

It seems that when we look for the variety of reasons why there is less need to rush into adulthood it all makes sense. However, just because it makes sense doesn’t mean that there aren’t still societal expectations and family pressures that can create a negative view of self for these young adults who are struggling to feel like adults. Our modern world and culture have created situations where people often must ease slowly into adulthood, and yet the very same culture criticises them for doing so. There’s a lot to discuss about this topic, so I’ll be putting that information in part 2 next week. 

* The New Grown-Up. Psychology Today Magazine, February 2025. 

**https://www.forbes.com/advisor/student-loans/college-tuition-inflation/ 

***https://anytimeestimate.com/research/housing-prices-vs-inflation/